As a group, we're pretty low maintenance. Sometimes sensitive, sometimes militant, sometimes self-deprecating, sometimes forthright, but hardly ever are we arseholes.
However, there are a few things you can do which will evoke the inner wrath of a copywriter and turn us into The Hulk... Christmas shopping... on Oxford Street... when it's snowing... with hyperactive children... while hormonal... you get the picture. So don't:
1. Tell us how to do our job
I can't think of another profession that gets questioned quite as much. No one has an opinion on a heart surgeon's approach or whether a pilot is reading the gauge right. When it comes to writing, being able to do it qualifies you to not only question but over-rule the expert. I don't tell you how to develop a product, so don't shit in my garden.
2. Comment on tone of voice
Having another pair of eyes and brain on a copy doc is invaluable, but don't ask whether we've used the right license or that we can't start a sentence with the word and. Stick to what you know, motherfucker.
3. Expect us to be mind-readers
No, you didn't put in the brief. No, it's not common knowledge. No, we didn't know you wanted a white paper, as well as web page. And don't get narked when we've not understood a badly written brief. Shit in, shit out.
4. Treat us like chicken factory workers
You've written a draft of what you'd like, I'm ok with that. I can improve on it or change it so it converts or gets engagement. Don't expect me to just idly sign it off and put it online. I will rewrite it so it at least adheres to the brand tone of voice. I'm not your bitch.
5. Ignore us completely
The amount of times I've heard, "oh, it's just a sentence so we didn't think we needed to run it past you." YOU BLOODY DO, AS YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE FOR CUSTOMERS, WHICH IS WHY YOU'VE WRITTEN 10 JARGONY WORDS INSTEAD OF 5 CLEAR ONES, ARSEHOLE.
6. Invite designers, but not copywriters
The age-old, "we're not ready for copy, we're still figuring out what we need to do", doesn't wash. If you don't tell us how the journey works, what the thinking is and what the entry points are, how do you expect us to write the best journey. So if you invite designers or UXers, invite us too. No one really cares about the lines, boxes and colours, it's the copy that will create a good customer experience and engagement. So sort it the fuck out.
7. Change for change sake
You're a very important person, I know this. It says so in your job title. You don't need wap your metaphorical dick out by making changes to prove you have a big one. And once it's signed off, unless it's a legal or technical issue, stop fucking tinkering with it. You're just guessing, so let's trust the analytics, shall we?!
8. Make us time poor
You've been deliberating over this for weeks, months even, now you need something tangible to show all the big wigs that you've been doing a great job, but the meeting is tomorrow and you've not even brief it in. You need to give us time to research, think and craft something beautiful. We don't just shit out words.
9. Stick your fingers in your ears
We've told you about customer awareness, what needs to be there for SEO, that it needs to lead with the benefit, what the media mix should be, how it should be structured, what needs to be said and how you should say it. Don't disagree with it all then moan that no one is visiting the page or converting. You'd save us a lot of pain if you just fucking listened to us in the first place.
